You're beautiful

I want to be a fucking stick so you fuckers can stfu.

I need to stop being needy now need to stop it really fuck it’s been affecting me so much i want / MUST stop being needy it stops NOW i’m getting an ink bout being needy though i dno what exactly to get hmmz but it must be about being needy reminds me of my family reminds me never to turn out like my mother to be independent strong and brave i finally know how’s it feel when hazel says she doesn’t wna be a burden to others why do i always need company when i cry go to the loo mug etc i can do all these alone STOP BEING NEEDY JEAN STOP BEING A BURDEN imma get an ink on this this is of upmost importance!! Must.get.ink.bout.being.needy. Now i think.

I’ve been a wreck lately crying myself to sleep all the emotions i’ve been trying to suppress from the previous breakup’s coming back w martyn. The yelling to sleep punches / slaps thrown round and all i hate this i’m neither eating nor sleeping right i need all these to go away need to ignore all these push it down and prevent it from surfacing. Ignoring those emotions doesn’t mean it’s not there i feel fat ugly stoopid worthless basically feel like a waste of human resources. My family’s fucking w up and i want to kill myself maybe cry till my eyes come out? I am WORTHLESS fuck myself

Sooo i have a crush on this guy called martyn. I swear he was flirting back w me when we met up this has been ongoing fr two years (not the flirting the crush) so i decided to just tell him. Have alwaysssss wanted to confess my feelings to a guy. So i told him. And he was like “sorry but i like someone else alr” i want so bad fr him to like me back am i so unlikable?? );

I wish i could make him love me.

I’m in a really dark place right now |

Yes i finally did something w my obese body. Went fr a run and managed to complete 6.2km am freaking elated! Godd. I have been stuffing my face like a pig who hasn’t been fed fr months though ); consumed a horrid 1820 calories a day four days in a row what the fuck is wrong w me! Large fries w a half pound cheeseburger and large coke godddd i am fucking obese someone shoot me please. On the bright side, i managed to forgo eating fr 36hours straight one time but then i went to stuff my face afterwards. Need.to.get.below.120lbs really. Am still 145lbs when i stopped eating fr 36hours i plummetted to 140lbs was really happy but i went to stuff my face. Someone fucking shoot me pulllease! My bestfriend’s my height and kindda has my build but she’s only 114lbs WHAT THE FUCK. life isn’t fair, really. Am beginning to eat one meal a day since i can never stop eating completely and i’m counting my calories now. Today i consumed 600calories minus the calories burnt off during the run. Will.be.skinny!

Sooo, i’m really this book about this anorexic girl yabadodadeh she’s talking bout how she wants to turn her life around and all this shit and how it was a horrid mistake. How can this be a mistake fuck i want to be stickthin too fml.

Oh and my sister’s got a bet going w her friends. The one that loses the most weight gets two hundred bucks, a hundred each from the two others. She’s taking it really srsly and so far she’s lost about 6lbs? She’s pretty fat too she’s probably 5”2 but she’s 136lbs. Sighhh want to get skinny.

Oh yehh i tried to stick my finger down my throat a few days back after the 1820calories but i chickened out. Ugh i’m a loser and a wimp. Really really look up to all you bullimics honest to god. Alrighty, time to finish my book! Toodles :)